A couple years ago, my boyfriend took me to a Downton Abbey-themed improv performance. To set up the show, the actors asked the audience for suggestions on a bunch of different questions. I only remember one: what should the family’s motto be?
With perfect timing, a voice from the audience yelled “oh well”. The audience burst into laughter. Throughout the performance, when faced with disappointment or a set back, the actors would chime in unison “oh well”.
I’m sure that’s not the kind of motto the family of Downton Abbey would see as fitting but to me it’s brilliant beyond its comic effect. I’ve always had perfectionistic tendencies and I spent much of my early life striving to be perfect in the eyes of others – often people who could not or would not be pleased. It was an exhausting and futile pursuit and one that took me away from what mattered to me. As I’ve let go of that and come home to what is important to me, I’ve reclaimed a lot of physical and emotional energy yet I still sometimes get caught in old habits. So “oh well” feels like the perfect motto for me at this point in my life. I know I’ll always feel a strong sense of responsibility and desire to contribute as best I can and that I’ll likely never feel finished learning and growing. So when, despite my very best efforts, things don’t work out, “oh well” feels like the perfect motto. It makes me laugh and reminds me to let go.
This week I remembered it after a meeting where I felt disappointed about how much I understood about a project I’ll be taking on in my new role. Despite only being 15 days into my new job (writing it in days helps me realize how short that is), I wanted to be able to speak to the details and complexity. It turned out there were nuances I hadn’t caught. So I took a break, took a walk, wrote for a bit and “oh well” came back to me. It was perfect. It released the pressure I was feeling. It helped me refocus on what I’ve learned to date and where I want to focus my attention next as I continue to learn in my new job.
It’s helping me get good at letting go of what is past and done and bring my energy back to what’s here and now.
How do you remember to ease up when you’re putting too much pressure on?
Life in the Tiny Moments 